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How to Talk to a Loved One About Treatment

The conversation about treatment can feel impossible. Discover approaches that open dialogue without triggering defensiveness or shame.

You've rehearsed it a thousand times in your head. You know something needs to be said. But every time you try, it ends in an argument, denial, or tears. The conversation about treatment is one of the most difficult—and most important—talks you may ever have.

Before You Start: Preparation Matters

Choose the right moment — Talk when they're sober, calm, and not in crisis. Morning is often best.
Research options first — Have treatment information ready so you can act if they say yes.
Manage your emotions — You need to stay calm even if they become defensive or angry.
Set realistic expectations — One conversation rarely changes everything. This may be a process.

What to Say (And How to Say It)

Lead with Love, Not Accusations

Instead of:

"You're ruining your life and everyone around you."

Try:

"I love you, and I'm scared about what I'm seeing. I want to help."

Be Specific About What You've Observed

Instead of:

"You're always drunk and it's pathetic."

Try:

"Last Tuesday you missed dinner with the kids, and I found empty bottles in the garage."

Express Your Feelings Using "I" Statements

Instead of:

"You don't care about anyone but yourself."

Try:

"I feel helpless watching this. I miss who you used to be."

Handling Common Responses

"I don't have a problem."

Don't argue. Simply state what you've observed: "I understand you see it differently. But I've noticed [specific examples], and I'm worried. I just want you to talk to someone."

"I can quit whenever I want."

Respond gently: "I believe you want to. But addiction is medical—it changes the brain. Getting help isn't weakness; it's recognizing that this is bigger than willpower."

"You're overreacting."

Stay calm: "Maybe I am. But would you be willing to talk to a professional, just to put my mind at ease? If they say everything is fine, I'll back off."

"Treatment won't work / I've tried before."

Acknowledge their experience: "I know it's been hard. But recovery often takes multiple attempts. Each one teaches something. There might be a better approach we haven't tried."

If They Say No

A "no" today doesn't mean "no" forever. Plant the seed, express your love, and let them know you're ready to help when they are. Continue setting boundaries and taking care of yourself. Sometimes, the conversation needs to happen multiple times before it takes root.

When to Consider Professional Help

If direct conversations aren't working, a professional interventionist or recovery advisor can help facilitate the conversation. Sometimes hearing from someone outside the family dynamics can make a difference.

Matthew Mattone

Need help approaching this conversation?

Let's Strategize Together

I can help you prepare for the conversation and coach you through different scenarios.

Schedule a Consultation (561) 673-7009
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